Scientists Plan To 'Hack' Stephen Hawking's Brain To See What's Happening In There (Live And On Stage!)

A group of scientists at Stanford claim they've created a device that will allow a glimpse into the workings of the human brain, and plan to demo the unit (stupidly named the iBrain because smart ≠ creative) on Stephen Hawking during a live presentation. Fingers crossed he doesn't roll off stage into the orchestra pit.

"This is very exciting for us because it allows us to have a window into the brain. We're building technology that will allow humanity to have access to the human brain for the first time... We'd like to find a way to bypass [Stephen's] body, pretty much hack his brain.".

Scientist: *adjusting helmet* Now Stephen, just relax and let your brain wander." 
Brain Reading Computer: My God, that one lady-doctor has got a MASSIVE pair of Higgs bosons on her. Particle beam, accelerate!
Scientist: Mr Hawking!
Brain Reading Computer: She's mine! Stand in my way and I'll roll over your f***ing toes, nerd.
Thanks to Trav, who doesn't want his brain hacked because that's how the Secret Thief steals secrets.